"Just Tone It Down"

"Just tone it down a little; they will love you."   "It is a great idea, but you may want to tone it down some..."

"I measured your skirt, and it IS within dress code, but just tone it down some."  

"Yes, your team did great, and we are so proud... but it is making the others uncomfortable."

" I know the success of your program has really improved scores,  but it looks like nothing we are used to... so, can you close the door and lock it when you leave?'

   "Hey!! Yes! We are so excited about the grants, but BLANK feels it would be a great opportunity to feature the team with ____ (translation...  you are welcome to sit here, in the basement, "leaders" take credit for your work, that they did not even understand or support). 

"Thank you for creating such a popular dance class,  but some are concerned about the hip moves...So. can you TONE it down?" My response, "Latin Dance is all about the hips; you can not have one without the other." 

"I know he asked the question, but he was not prepared for your extensive knowledge on the subject.. so please, just tone it down."  "Just do not use such technical language." Me-speechless. 

I have been told this in every part of my life... but, to tone down my authentic self has proven for me to be impossible.  As many times as I have been asked to TONE IT DOWN... no one ever told me how.  Do they believe my large personality is a choice or carefully crafted for some elusive agenda?  I have tried desperately to fit in, tone it down, stand in the back, not give my expert opinion, or expect recognition for my success, gains, innovations, or valuable talents.  

I still honestly do not know what I do to make others uncomfortable... my closest friends and I have theories, but the constant theme we call, "Katrina is an alien."   My brother is the person I am most alike, but he's a man and, well... yes, everyone sees loves him.  I have more of a polar effect on people.  They either love me or hate me.   When you are an elementary teacher and your methodology, learning theories, and expertise is unlike anyone... and you are flexible, nonconformist, innovative, creative, and a risktaker, I can see the problem. But, I keep it all to myself and bring no attention to it.  So, I am trying to let go of the constant battle to feel valued and understood.   

I was hoping other women, or men,  have been told to tone it down over and over... and with your best efforts, all your life ... you still do not know-how.  So, I am going to be myself... and for once, I am going all out to my highest level... Instead of suffocating myself down to a six, Ummm, a 2,... I am going to invest in ME at a ten. 

Please let me know if you have your own stories of "just tone it down"... and if your success has been ignored.  Have your talents been exploited to make the higher-ups look better? Have you succeeded despite the lack of recognition and support? Have your growth opportunities diminished despite your expertise, extensive success, and credentials?  What is happening and why? 

What can we do to support each other? Do we fit in together?  

If this sounds like your life, I am sorry, but I want you to know you are AMAZING!!! 

If others misunderstand you and your process and you are successful...you are a visionary and just way ahead of your time. 

I am too old to be trying to change the best parts of me, and who wants to blend in the background anyway.?? I know it is lonely, so WE will come together and CELEBRATE our differences.  So go BIG.. go LOUD... go CREATE.. imagine and trust uniqueness.  

                                                                                                        Much Love, Katrina Gail